See Dick Lie

I almost forgot, but yesterday was 115th anniversary of the birthday of Zerna Addis Sharp, creator of the Dick and Jane series of children's primers. In honor of this, I'll offer my own contribution to the body of work:

See Dick. See Dick run for Veep. Run Dick run. See Dick lose. George lost too. See Bill, Antonin, Clarence, Sandra and Anthony sell their decrepit souls to Satan and give Dick and George the win.

See Dick's heart. It's a bad heart. Why is his heart bad? Because it's all shriveled up. Sometimes, it makes Dick gasp. Gasp, Dick, gasp.

See Dick clutch his chest. Clutch, Dick, clutch.

See Dick's nitro pills. He uses the nitro pills for his heart. Pop the pills, Dick, pop them. Dick feels better--but just a little better. Climbing stairs is hard.

See Dick lie. He lies all the time. He lies about John Kerry. He lies about Saddam Hussein's weapons program. He lies about his Energy Task force. Lie, Dick, lie. How do you know Dick's lying? Because his mouth is open, and he's speaking.

See Dick now. Dick is cross. He gets cross to Pat Leahy. Dick said "why don't you go fuck yourself." He said that to Pat Leahy. Dick was mad. His face was red. Maybe Dick needs a nitro pill.

See Dick's wife. Her name is Lynne. She's all shriveled up. Just like Dick's heart. Dick and Lynne are glad they say things like "fuck." They say that makes them "plainspoken." Lynne made fun of John Kerry. She said he used the word "sensitive." Dick used "sensitive" too. Dick used it a lot of times. But Lynne forgot. She said John Kerry was a weenie because of this. Maybe Lynne should "go fuck herself." Just like Dick told Pat Leahy.

See Dick in November. He and George have lost. Lose, Dick, lose. See Dick retire to private life. Dick will get REALLY good medical care. This will help him with his shriveled heart. But Dick will die one day.

See Dick go to hell. Go to hell, Dick, go to hell. See him pass through each circle of hell. It's too bad. All the circles of hell are too good for Dick. How can we punish him?

See Dick sit. He sits awaiting judgement. Sweat, Dick, sweat. Dick's judges are the innocent civilians his actions killed. Dick knows he did wrong. But what will history's verdict be?

The end.