Drinking Game: Veep Debate Version

First, just to add to everyone else linking to this brilliant bit of advice--if John Edwards actually uses The Rude Pundit's counsel, I'll immediately go out, buy a fifth of Grey Goose, and down half the bottle in one gulp. I swear. But I'd give myself better odds of winning the lottery...

So, onto my rules--and, since I'm probably the only one playing this version of the game tonight, I guess I can afford to be less-than-precise in the actual amount to consume whenever I hear:

Cheney rehashing the tired old joke "how do you think I got the job [of VP]." Oh, and off topic, but: Lynne was recently making jokes about John Kerry's tan. I wonder if Thursday's debate managed to shut her up.

(and, back on topic, but I'd tip my glass up if Edwards pointed to that thing on his lip and said something like "Just being nominated caused THIS").

Dick Cheney IMPLYING, but NOT directly stating, a link between Hussein's Iraq and Al Qaeda (extra consumption if he actually SAYS Osama bin Laden, even more if he does so WITHOUT it being in direct response to John Edwards).

Dick Cheney suggesting that John Edwards lacks the experience to to run the country in the event of a crisis (extra consumption if he doesn't bother to mention that it would take both a crisis AND John Kerry being somehow incapacitated--after all, Cheney's the first veep to finish a president's term WITHOUT the president himself having died).

(I'll also raise my fist and/or holler "you tell him!") If John Edwards suggests that Dick Cheney's "experience" seems to manifest itself in telling outright lies--like the whoppers about Saddam Hussein and nuclear weapons, Saddam Hussein and 9/11, Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda--and I'll have a bonus gulp if Edwards recounts Cheney's own statements to the effect that he considered any attempt to overthrow Saddam Hussein in 1991 would have resulted in a disastrous occupation. Another bonus gulp if Edwards manages to bring up Bremer and Rumsfeld's respective flip-flops on these issues.

--I'll also drink at the first mention of domestic issues--I wonder if there's an over/under on the number of minutes it will take before one is brought up. Unless it involves no-bid contracts and/or Cheney's Energy Task Force, I'd choose at least 45--minutes--before domestic issues are raised. Although, speaking of no-bid contract and the Task Force--

I'll have a nice sized sip if Edwards manages to suggest that Cheney should place himself "above even the suspicion of wrongdoing" and release the notes of his Energy Task Force meetings.

If Cheney replies, "Why don't you go fuck yourself, John," I'll have the cash ready, and be prepared to walk to the closest place that actually sells Grey Goose vodka.

I'll have a monster, no-bid sized gulp WHEN Cheney says he has nothing to do with Halliburton's Iraq War windfall. I'll take a more modest sized gulp WHEN he says he had nothing to do with the energy industry-manufactured California energy crisis of 2001 (that is, IF the moderator asks). And I'll take more modest sized gulps whenever Cheney says that trial lawyers and/or frivolous lawsuits are dragging the economy down.

And, finally (after all, it's a Tuesday and I have to at least show up at work on Wednesday)--I'll pour and drink if Cheney says anything about John Edwards being too well-off to understand the needs of the common person or words to that effect. And I'll polish the glass off if Edwards immediately responds with something like "you own a HALF MILLION shares of Halliburton, you're STILL getting deferred compensation, but you think you DO?"

Well, that ought to be enough--if I'm still more or less coherent when it's all over, I might post something about the fun a little later.