Bring The President to an Aircraft Carrier

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, straining to read the teleprompter that always seemed to be going just a little too fast, "Searches for Weapons of Mass Destruction are now over."

David Kay, having resigned as leader of the search in order to take a position in the Bush Administration's Banner Writing Department, jumped down off the ladder he used to hang a giant "Mission Not Quite Yet Accomplished" pennant from the conning tower of the USS Abraham Lincoln (which had been moved thirty miles out to open ocean especially for this occasion), and quickly strode towards the President. Holding the microphone to muffle his voice, he whispered something into Mr. Bush's ear. Nodding, then clearing his throat, Bush again stepped to the lectern.

"Uh--what I meant to say was MAJOR Searches for Weapons of Mass Destruction are over."