Bill Frist, Paid Celebrity Spokesperson--and Cat Killer

I watched most of last night's Twilight Zone GOOP fest with the sound down. This was because I was talking on the phone with a very good friend, but also because there's just so much one person can take. I mean, just look at what happened to poor Michael Berube--barely two days in and, sadly, he's joined the dark side with more fervor than a convert to Catholicism.

However, I managed to keep the audio on long enough to catch Bill "I killed a cat--well, actually I killed many cats" Frist offer a Medicare card to qualified applicants. I half expected him to hold up a bottle of Hadacol and extol its curative powers. But Bill was in a true cat killing mood instead, taking the time to attack Kerry and his trial-lawyer-of-a-running-mate John Edwards.

Interestingly, PBS mentioned Frist as a potential candidate for national office in either 2008 or 2012. Well, call me cynical, but I'm pretty sure it would take all of thirty seconds to destroy that possibility:

Opening Shot: Boston Area Animal Shelter--crane mounted camera zooms towards the door, where we cut to the interior. A young Bill Frist, dressed in a suit with white doctor's smock, ernestly nods his head to the person behind the counter, gently stroking a docile, purring orange tabby kitten.

"He's going to have a wonderful home," Frist says as he loads the animal into the pet cage. "I'll take good care of him."

The scene changes to Frist's lab, where alternate shots cut between a wide-eyed, clearly frightened kitten, and shots looking up to a maniacal Frist, who slowly moves his hands towards its exposed neck. Fade to black.

Fade up to a different animal shelter, where the scene repeats. An announcer voice over could finish the job: Bill Frist wants to be your [insert office here]. But can you trust someone who lies in order to kill small defenseless animals?

Fade out.

That's all it would take.