Memory Lane

Or, a look at the origin of a particular species, the news/talk show--Alexander Cockburn reprints a piece originally published in Harper's--he called it The Tedium Twins, in honor of Robert MacNeil and Jim Lehrer:

ROBERT MACNEIL (voice over): Should one man eat another?

(Titles)

MACNEIL: Good evening. Reports from the Donner Pass indicate that survivors fed upon their companions. Tonight, should cannibalism be regulated? Jim?

LEHRER: Robin, the debate pits two diametrically opposed sides against each other: the Human Meat-eaters Association, who favor a free market in human flesh, and their regulatory opponents in Congress and the consumer movement. Robin?

MACNEIL: Mr. Tooth, why eat human flesh?
TOOTH: Robin, it is full of protein and delicious too. Without human meat, our pioneers would be unable to explore the West properly. This would present an inviting opportunity to the French, who menace our pioneer routes from the north.

MACNEIL: Thank you. Jim?

LEHRER: Now for another view of cannibalism. Bertram Brussell-Sprout is leading the fight to control the eating of animal fats and meats. Mr. Sprout, would you include human flesh in this proposed regulation?

SPROUT: Most certainly, Jim. Our studies show that some human flesh available for sale to the public is maggot-ridden, improperly cut, and often incorrectly graded. We think the public should be protected from such abuses.

MACNEIL: Some say it is wrong to eat human flesh at all. Mr. Prodnose, give us this point of view.

PRODNOSE: Robin, eating people is wrong. We say ...

MACNEIL: I'm afraid we're out of time. Good night, Jim, etc., etc.

The narcotizing, humorless properties of the 'MacNeil/Lehrer Report,' familiar to anyone who has felt fatigue creep over him at 7:40 Eastern time, are crucial to the show. Tedium is of the essence, since the all-but- conscious design of the program is to project vacuous dithering ('And now, for another view of Hitler ...') into the mind of the viewers, until they are properly convinced that there is not one answer to 'the problem,' but two or even three, and that since two answers are no better than none, they might as well not bother with the problem at all.

Now, even though MacNeil/Lehrer has been stuck in sort of an evolutionary cul-de-sac (MacNeil left, but that appendage has been admirably regenerated with any of a host of, um, hosts), you could say it started a trend that resulted in the various cable TV shoutfests that substitute for real debate these days...

Or, you can also just have a laugh at a few of Cockburn's examples. Here's the whole thing, if you've got the time.