President Bush said Wednesday that Saddam Hussein, not continued U.S. involvement in Iraq, is responsible for ongoing sectarian violence that is threatening the formation of a democratic government.
In his third speech this month to bolster public support for the war, Mr. Bush worked to counter critics who say the U.S. presence in the war-torn nation is fueling the insurgency. Mr. Bush said that Saddam was a tyrant and used violence to exacerbate sectarian divisions to keep himself in power, and that as a result, deep tensions persist to this day.
The boy-king then claimed to have startling proof of other nefarious deeds perpetrated by the Butcher of Baghdad.
The Grassy Knoll, Nov. 22, 1963
Ford's Theater, April 14, 1865
North Atlantic Ocean, April 15, 1912
Amazingly, these photos also EXONERATE Dick Cheney, who has, according to the pResident, "an absolutely airtight alabi. There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever that not only is Saddam Hussein responsible for these dastardly acts, but that Vice-President Cheney was in no way involved."
Sources close to the Vice President confirm that Cheney's alabi relies on his being in "a secure, undisclosed location" during the times in question, and that anyone who questions this can "go fuck themselves." The Vice President is also believed to have recently purchased large quantities of shotgun shells.
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