Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Shrub: It's Saddam's Fault

Desperately looking to shirk blame for Operation Enduring Clusterfuck Seeking to justify his preemptive war policy in Iraq, Shrubleroy insisted that the nascent civil war and increasing-by-the-hour chaos in Mesopotamia is because of...Saddam Hussein:

President Bush said Wednesday that Saddam Hussein, not continued U.S. involvement in Iraq, is responsible for ongoing sectarian violence that is threatening the formation of a democratic government.

In his third speech this month to bolster public support for the war, Mr. Bush worked to counter critics who say the U.S. presence in the war-torn nation is fueling the insurgency. Mr. Bush said that Saddam was a tyrant and used violence to exacerbate sectarian divisions to keep himself in power, and that as a result, deep tensions persist to this day.


The boy-king then claimed to have startling proof of other nefarious deeds perpetrated by the Butcher of Baghdad.

The Grassy Knoll, Nov. 22, 1963

Ford's Theater, April 14, 1865

North Atlantic Ocean, April 15, 1912

Amazingly, these photos also EXONERATE Dick Cheney, who has, according to the pResident, "an absolutely airtight alabi. There's no doubt in my mind whatsoever that not only is Saddam Hussein responsible for these dastardly acts, but that Vice-President Cheney was in no way involved."

Sources close to the Vice President confirm that Cheney's alabi relies on his being in "a secure, undisclosed location" during the times in question, and that anyone who questions this can "go fuck themselves." The Vice President is also believed to have recently purchased large quantities of shotgun shells.

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