Modernization

Excuses used to be so...primitive:

"If it's dead, it's V.C."

But, thanks to an aggressive modernization campaign--and Surge®© (registered sign, copyright protected, all rights reserved)--we're no longer thus hindered:

"If a bullet went through the back of the head, it's sectarian," the official said. "If it went through the front, it's criminal."

I'm sure the Iraqis so liberated appreciate the distinction.