More SOunTrUe

I decided to compare and contrast the seventeen countries that made it by NAME into the speech, and the seventeen countries that had to settle for the much more generic "seventeen other countries:"

Made the list:
Britain--can't argue with that one.
Australia--in firm possession of the bronze medal.
Japan--they promised--so what if they haven't actually delivered yet?
South Korea--"Did you say 'Iraq?' we thought you meant North..."
Phillipines--Fighting a fundamentalist Islamic revolution of their own, and we're providing them with aid, so...
Thailand--Good to hear that Neil Bush has nothing to fear--um, from terrorists, that is.
Italy--Government, si, the public, no.
Spain--See Italy.
Poland--Troops=Expansion fee. Don't expect too many free agents, and you don't get the first pick in the draft either--but here's a little money under the table. Don't expect to rise from the cellar anytime soon.
Denmark--Glad to hear we have support from a genuine first-world nation, more or less. What's their contribution again?
Hungary--See Poland.
Bulgaria--Donated space for small base Amerikanski.
Romania--See Poland.
Ukraine--Airbase Amerikanski, ja.
Norway--Thanks for the limited naming rights. Those Olympics sure were nice back when--whenever they were there.
Netherlands--We won't harass you at the airport--unless you're carrying drugs.

And, last but not least: El Salvador! Congratulations, El Salvador--you've won some surplus US military equipment!

And here are the seventeen that didn't quite have what it takes:

Afghanistan--Can only think that maybe some rubble from Kabul made it across the border.
Albania--Sorry, kid, we're sending you back to the minors.
Azerbaijan--This could have been by mutual agreement between oilmen...
Colombia--Did we tell you that we're also engaged in significant combat operations in our own hemisphere? No? What did I just say? Nothing...(whistles)
Czech Republic--Sending a poem doesn't get you on the "A" list. But, we'll admit, it was real close between you and El Salvador. Better luck next time.
Eritrea--Bet Bush couldn't pronounce it. (Ari--Eerie--Atri--aria?)
Estonia--I'm kind of seeing a trend--could it be that these countries just sorta--signed a list or something? You didn't PAY them for their signiture, did you?
Ethiopia--Could be a nice place to retreat to in a "worst-case" scenario. Sort of like the Pusan--but only "just in case."
Georgia--Was that the Schevardnadze government, or the new government?--hey, who's in charge there anyway?
Latvia--See Estonia.
Lithuania--Could these countries sue for discrimination? Not if we clamp down on frivolous lawsuits!
Macedonia--See Eritrea.
Nicaragua--Another close race with Czech and El Salvador--but we still haven't gotten over that Sandinista thing.
Slovakia--Is that Slovakia or Slovenia? Just want to be sure...ah, what the hell...heads, it's Slovakia, tails..
Turkey--No turkee, but a little cash under the radar. Now, we get flyover rights, right?
Uzbekistan--I can just see this--ok, we'll give you the photo-op, the bases, and the military aid, but otherwise stay out of site, ok Karimov? Look, I don't want anyone to see we're doing business, see? This just wouldn't look good...now, is it I-s-l-O-m or I-s-l-A-m that I need to write on this check?

Actually, I'm sure we have some nice parting gifts for ALL the B-listers.