Is Karl Rove Grady Williams?

Maybe, although George Bush is no Pedro Martinez. Still, if that's all Bush has left in the tank, the Democrats should be feeling better than the Yankees entering the eighth inning last year in Game Seven.

Last night I tuned in to catch the, uh, sort-of press conference. It was more of a hybrid: An address, if you can call it that, by Bush, followed by a very slightly tougher than normal, but, thanks to opening remarks, shorter than normal Q and A.

I checked out some commentary--a lot of people noticed Bush's electric-eel tie--the neckwear equivalent of Edwin Edwards' electric blue suit from back in the 70's. My own guess is that the White House has been on plasma screen TV's for so long that they don't know how to dress for the old fashioned, low-res idiot boxes most of us still have. But I tried to mostly focus on the clown show itself, which I followed up with Pickard and Black's 9/11 testimony on C-Span.

Typical of the kind of night was a question asked by I believe a Los Angeles Times reporter--IIRC, it was whether or not Bush did ANYTHING in response to the statements in the August 6, 2001 PDB regarding hijacking. Bush answer was, in a word, not. He rambled on about vague generalities, falling back to the tired old line about if he'd only known 9/11 was going to happen, he would have tried to stop it. In other words, he did NOTHING when told that Al Qaeda was looking to hijack airplanes in the United States.

The opening speech was what I expected. Bush sounded like he had been dosed with some sort of barbituate. He slurred a number of words, and, as others have noted, he pretty much read the speech like a sixth grader might read a book report. His mangled syntax and grammar was likewise evident, although the pundits generally gave him a free ride on this while they worked as hard as they could to say nothing at all until the polling data comes in.

Bush showed he's still capable of delusion on the WMD issue--too bad he didn't recall his tasteless jokes when asked if he'd made any mistakes in the last three years (nor could he recall the Mission Accomplished joke, or the 'bring em on' line, etc. etc.). Rove (who the cameras showed paired up with a baleful looking Condi Rice--sort of a twin axis of evil on their own), must have beaten "the vision thing" into Bush, given his frequent references to a peaceful, democratic Iraq. Unfortunately, he couldn't provide an answer to the question of who will be in the transitional government, which supposedly will take control in about ten weeks. And calling for a "democratic Middle East" without something specific on the table is a little like a Miss America contestant calling for World Peace, and not quite as effective.

Hell, if I was John Kerry's ad team, I'd be looking to juxtapose the following visual images: the strutting, posing fly-boy, followed by the confused look on his face when asked about mistakes, followed by the tasteless jokes about WMD (then the confused look), the "bring 'em on" crap (followed by...you guessed it), the lie about Saddam not letting the weapons inspectors in (followed by), etc., etc. Close with something like "I'm John Kerry and I support this message because The Presidency of the United States is NOT a Junior Achievement Project," etc. etc."

Another ad would feature the dozens of Miss America contestants who've called for "World Peace," again juxtaposed with shots of Bush offering his "vision of democracy and freedom in the Middle East." A voiceover could say something like "a REAL plan for the Middle East is a little more difficult than an answer to a question in a beauty pageant. It would outline specific goals, and level with the American people as to the real costs. I'm John Kerry and I approve this message because the free world neads real leadership. Leave the beauty pageant answers for Miss America."

I suppose the right-wingers are going to holler a bit about those who asked Bush about "mistakes," as if it's some sort of trap they were springing. Personally, I kind of wish they hadn't been so damn open-ended: why NOT ask about the tasteless WMD jokes, or the Mission Accomplished clown show, or his crass "bring 'em on" flap. Still, the blank look on his face spoke volumes. Rove might have managed to get the dim bulb to mouth syllables, but he still can't make him understand.

But what Kerry MUST do right now is begin to make Bush the object of ridicule. It's not all that difficult, especially after last night. But it's got to begin now.

Someone has to tell the Democrats to not worry about a backlash, because there won't be one. In fact, the response from Bush would reveal a LOT about his character: as someone who is petty, mean-spirited, and calculating. Which would play right into the Democrats' hands. The key is to make Bush a laughingstock.

That would be the ultimate truth in advertising.